Friday, September 22, 2006

I got it!

Monday was the happiest day I've had in a while. Like I have many times in the last several months, I peed on a stick when I woke up. Only this time, rather than the damn line not showing up it showed it's happy little face. But it was barely visible. So I proceeded to pee on a stick Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and now I am certain the line is there to stay.

I'm happy to announce that I am pregnant. After 5 months of trying, we finally got there. Of course I'm only about 5 weeks along and there is a long way to go until we are considered to be "in the clear," but I have no reason to think everything won't go as smoothly as it did with D.

Symptoms are already kicking my ass but I can deal. I'm nauseous, A LOT, and I'm so tired I can't see straight. As we all say, though, it's all worth it in the end.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

I want it

Ever want something so badly that just thinking about it brings you to tears? Fun, isn't it?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

On blogging...

After reading my last post, one of my dear friends complimented my writing. It has been so long since I have shared my writing that the thought of someone actually enjoying it caught me off guard.

This blog started out as a place to let family/friends we don't speak to on a daily basis know what's going on with the boy. It has moved beyond that. The intended audience doesn't read the blog (grandparents, D's only uncle) but a few of my friends do. The blog is no longer a place for me to write about the boy's latest accomplishment, but an outlet for me to get the words flowing again.

Writing is really my first love. It was my favorite thing to do for school, my favorite thing to do in my spare time, my favorite thing. Since I'm done with school and have little to no spare time, the numbers of words I have put on paper in recent history are limited. (Emails to clients and friends do not count.) Another problem, I'm not a journaler. I love the idea of a journal, and this seems to be becoming one, but haven't actually kept one since I called it a diary. The biggest thing that prohibits me from having a journal these days is, thanks to 4 years of journalism school and the last 7 years spent sitting at my desk on my computer all day, the words no longer seem to flow when I put pen to paper. These days, I have to put fingertips to keys.

The words are starting to flow again, through my fingertips and the keys, and the thoughts in my head are automatically forming themselves into sentences, paragraphs, entries. I am reading blogs (it's so addictive when there are some supremely talented writers out there) which inspire me to write more and rediscovering my first love. I feel compelled to write about everything these days. From work (yes, I know better than to write about work on my blog) to the little boy to the big boy to still not being pregnant to frustrations with friends to anything and everything that pops into my little head.

So, once again, it seems because of the boy, I have found an old joy which was lost for a long time. Thank you D.

Monday, September 11, 2006


I will always remember where I was on 9.11.01. I think we all will.

Dave and I were on the 3rd day of our honeymoon. Our oasis after the chaos of our wedding. It was our time to enjoy each other and not have to think about anything.

We woke up on Tuesday morning and went downstairs to breakfast in our hotel. As we walked by the lobby, we noticed there were quite a few people gathered in the lobby watching TV. Seemed a little odd so we poked our heads around the corner to see what was on. The TV was tuned to CNN and we saw an image of the WTC with smoke coming out of it. I remember thinking, "Oh, wow, the WTC is on fire. That's sad." I had no idea. We went on to eat breakfast. After breakfast we popped over to nurse's office on the resort to get me some medicine. While in there, she also had a TV on and asked if we were Americans. We replied yes and she said, "They just announced it's terrorists." We thought we must have misunderstood the nice lady with the very thick Jamaican accent. As we walked back to our room, we decided to stop in the lobby and figure out what was really going on. As soon as we sat down, we figured it out. They named off the cities the planes were going to/from. Boston - Wendy had flown in for the wedding from Boston, LA - cousins had flown in from LA, PA - cousins had flown in from Pittsburgh, NY - about 15-20 had flown in from NY/NJ, DC - my oldest childhood friend was in grad school at GW, one of our ushers worked for the Department of Defense, and Manhattan itself - one of my closest friend's brother and sister-in-law lived and worked in Manhattan.

I remember the first thing I said when I realized what was happening. "What day is it?" Dave looked at me and said, "It's Tuesday." I was overwhelmed with the feeling of relief that comes when you realize one of your biggest fears was not just realized. He asked me why and I told him, "The last people who came in for the wedding were flying on Monday." We spent the next several hours sitting in the lobby of our hotel, crying, watching, learning, talking, listening. We spoke to the people around us. Some from NYC many from other areas. I remember speaking to one woman who had left her 7-month-old son with her mother so she and her husband could have a little getaway. How fiercely this woman wanted to hold her child at that moment. I thought I understood then, I REALLY understand now.

I wanted to call home as soon as I heard but we waited. We wanted to at least leave phone lines open for those people who needed to check on loved ones who were in NYC. When I called home that night, I was once again relieved to find out that we didn't personally know anyone who had died.

In the coming days we talked about how we would be stuck. We talked about how worried we were about anyone and everyone who may have come in contact with this tragedy. We talked about how we had to put things aside, at least for a few days, and try to enjoy the trip we took to celebrate our marriage. We were also able to get online at the hotel which felt like a lifeline to home. I sent some emails - to my boss letting her know I might not be back when I had planned. I got on AIM and was able to find out my friend's brother and sister-in-law were ok. I was able to connect with a few other people from home and know that everyone was ok - as much as they could be.

We were lucky, we got home on time and without incident. There were others who were stuck for an extra 2 weeks. And while being stuck in Jamaica may sound wonderful, you're still stuck. And being so out of control is completely frightening and enraging.

In the 5 years since 9.11 many things have happened in my life. Dylan was born. My grandfather died. I've switched jobs, twice. Dave and I spent the last weekend away to celebrate our 5th anniversary. It was wonderful. A chance to reconnect we really needed. But, as with every year, when I think about our anniversary, I think of the anniversary of 9.11 and how the two will forever be connected.