Saturday, January 31, 2009

Grace In Small Things: 4

1. Getting out tonight.
2. A beautiful winter day.
3. Sasha seems to be feeling better.
4. OPI Mrs. O'Leary's BBQ
5. Great friends who make great cards.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Grace In Small Things: 3

1. A stellar first report card for the boy.
2. The "double-wide" blanket.
3. Sleeping in when I don't feel well.
4. Soy Vay teriyaki sauce. Yum!
5. The sound of my daughter cracking up in the car for no reason.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Grace In Small Things:2

1. WiFi
2. A warm bed while I am sick.
3. Breakfast in said warm bed made by wonderful husband.
4. Time to blog.
5. Sweet pig tails on the baby girl that tickle my face when I hold her.

25+ Things

I did this on Facebook and figured I would cross-post here. I have a added a few.

1. My children are the most important people in my life. The mere thought of losing them send me into a tailspin.
2. I've been engaged 3 times in my life, twice to the same person.
3. No matter how many years pass, I will never be comfortable with my kids or me participating Christmas.
4. I have never had a perm.
5. I am making new friends for the first time in nearly a decade and love it.
6. I have never traveled through Europe.
7. I desperately want to travel through Europe.
8. I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do when I grow up.
9. Both my children have middle names in honor of a great-grandparent.
10. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had taken greater risks with my education and career.
11. I wish my kids had cousins and I fear they never will.
12. I forgive too easily.
13. I think I am a good mom.
14. I hate beer. The taste, the smell, all of it.
15. Allergies have robbed me of the ability to really enjoy summer.
16. I don't bake.
17. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my family and friends enjoy a meal I cooked for them.
18. I'm terrible at spending time alone. Always have been.
19. I'm a control-freak. Being out of control stresses me out tremendously.
20. Because of #19, I hate surprises.
21. The sex of both of my children was a surprise at birth, by choice.
22. My 6-word essay is: Family of four, room for more?
23. I wish Dylan called me "mama" rather than "mommy."
24. I have fantastic friends.
25. I have a wonderful and supportive family.
26. I am afraid I will never really find my "circle."
27. The song "Silent Night" makes me cry. Instantly.
28. I keep this blog relatively private by design.
29. I check to make sure my kids are breathing every night before I go to bed.
30. I'm terribly scared of what the future may bring right now.
31. My children can break my heart in an instant.
32. My children can make my heart soar in an instant.
33. I am ridden with guilt and insecurity.
34. I don't worry about what people think of me, I worry how what I say/do will affect them.
35. I'm almost always lonely. Especially in groups.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Grace in Small Things

Grace in Small Things: One
1. New Friends
2. Kisses from babies.
3. Hugs from big boys.
4. The kids sleeping in this morning.
5. Diet Lipton Green Tea with Citrus.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


For the first time in a long time I have hope for the future. For the future of this country, for the future of my children, for my own personal future. I have hope that my children won't know the racism my generation knew growing up. I have hope they won't know the extent of war our generation has known.

I'm not foolish, I know things won't change overnight. I know it will take time, but God how we need this change. We need to the future of our country to know that "you can do anything or be anyone" isn't just lip service. That no matter what your race or religion or gender it won't stand in the way of people allowing you to accomplish great things.

I listened to Barack Obama speak this morning and was filled with hope. And I can only hope the rest of the world is too.

Po's Dumplings

Mommy, do you know what Po [of Kung Fu Panda fame] likes to do with his dumplings?

Thursday, January 08, 2009


I have spent a lot of time lately wondering. Wondering about all sorts of things in my life. What will I really do when I grow up? Is my son normal? Is my daughter happy? Am I good mom, a good wife, friend, sister, daughter?

I feel uncertain. I am unemployed. I don't do well when I don't work. I need to feel like I play a role outside the walls of my home. I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know if my next move will be positive. I don't know how I will fill the days while my children are at daycare (so we don't lose our spots) and my husband is working.

I'm scared. We aren't in a financial position to be on one income. If we were, I probably wouldn't be working full-time in the first place. I don't know how we will make it without sacrificing the very things in life that keep me sane. Entertaining, socializing. I don't know how to live without those things. I don't know how to be balanced without socializing and seeing people I'm not related to.

I'm sitterless. My mother broke her ankle and is not going to be able to watch my kids for about 3 months. I have no other evening/weekend child care support. We're very spoiled and very accustomed to having time without our kids.

I know it will all work out, but right now I feel like crawling in a hole and having a break down. Which I can't do because my mother is here.