Friday, September 22, 2006

I got it!

Monday was the happiest day I've had in a while. Like I have many times in the last several months, I peed on a stick when I woke up. Only this time, rather than the damn line not showing up it showed it's happy little face. But it was barely visible. So I proceeded to pee on a stick Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and now I am certain the line is there to stay.

I'm happy to announce that I am pregnant. After 5 months of trying, we finally got there. Of course I'm only about 5 weeks along and there is a long way to go until we are considered to be "in the clear," but I have no reason to think everything won't go as smoothly as it did with D.

Symptoms are already kicking my ass but I can deal. I'm nauseous, A LOT, and I'm so tired I can't see straight. As we all say, though, it's all worth it in the end.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

I want it

Ever want something so badly that just thinking about it brings you to tears? Fun, isn't it?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

On blogging...

After reading my last post, one of my dear friends complimented my writing. It has been so long since I have shared my writing that the thought of someone actually enjoying it caught me off guard.

This blog started out as a place to let family/friends we don't speak to on a daily basis know what's going on with the boy. It has moved beyond that. The intended audience doesn't read the blog (grandparents, D's only uncle) but a few of my friends do. The blog is no longer a place for me to write about the boy's latest accomplishment, but an outlet for me to get the words flowing again.

Writing is really my first love. It was my favorite thing to do for school, my favorite thing to do in my spare time, my favorite thing. Since I'm done with school and have little to no spare time, the numbers of words I have put on paper in recent history are limited. (Emails to clients and friends do not count.) Another problem, I'm not a journaler. I love the idea of a journal, and this seems to be becoming one, but haven't actually kept one since I called it a diary. The biggest thing that prohibits me from having a journal these days is, thanks to 4 years of journalism school and the last 7 years spent sitting at my desk on my computer all day, the words no longer seem to flow when I put pen to paper. These days, I have to put fingertips to keys.

The words are starting to flow again, through my fingertips and the keys, and the thoughts in my head are automatically forming themselves into sentences, paragraphs, entries. I am reading blogs (it's so addictive when there are some supremely talented writers out there) which inspire me to write more and rediscovering my first love. I feel compelled to write about everything these days. From work (yes, I know better than to write about work on my blog) to the little boy to the big boy to still not being pregnant to frustrations with friends to anything and everything that pops into my little head.

So, once again, it seems because of the boy, I have found an old joy which was lost for a long time. Thank you D.

Monday, September 11, 2006


I will always remember where I was on 9.11.01. I think we all will.

Dave and I were on the 3rd day of our honeymoon. Our oasis after the chaos of our wedding. It was our time to enjoy each other and not have to think about anything.

We woke up on Tuesday morning and went downstairs to breakfast in our hotel. As we walked by the lobby, we noticed there were quite a few people gathered in the lobby watching TV. Seemed a little odd so we poked our heads around the corner to see what was on. The TV was tuned to CNN and we saw an image of the WTC with smoke coming out of it. I remember thinking, "Oh, wow, the WTC is on fire. That's sad." I had no idea. We went on to eat breakfast. After breakfast we popped over to nurse's office on the resort to get me some medicine. While in there, she also had a TV on and asked if we were Americans. We replied yes and she said, "They just announced it's terrorists." We thought we must have misunderstood the nice lady with the very thick Jamaican accent. As we walked back to our room, we decided to stop in the lobby and figure out what was really going on. As soon as we sat down, we figured it out. They named off the cities the planes were going to/from. Boston - Wendy had flown in for the wedding from Boston, LA - cousins had flown in from LA, PA - cousins had flown in from Pittsburgh, NY - about 15-20 had flown in from NY/NJ, DC - my oldest childhood friend was in grad school at GW, one of our ushers worked for the Department of Defense, and Manhattan itself - one of my closest friend's brother and sister-in-law lived and worked in Manhattan.

I remember the first thing I said when I realized what was happening. "What day is it?" Dave looked at me and said, "It's Tuesday." I was overwhelmed with the feeling of relief that comes when you realize one of your biggest fears was not just realized. He asked me why and I told him, "The last people who came in for the wedding were flying on Monday." We spent the next several hours sitting in the lobby of our hotel, crying, watching, learning, talking, listening. We spoke to the people around us. Some from NYC many from other areas. I remember speaking to one woman who had left her 7-month-old son with her mother so she and her husband could have a little getaway. How fiercely this woman wanted to hold her child at that moment. I thought I understood then, I REALLY understand now.

I wanted to call home as soon as I heard but we waited. We wanted to at least leave phone lines open for those people who needed to check on loved ones who were in NYC. When I called home that night, I was once again relieved to find out that we didn't personally know anyone who had died.

In the coming days we talked about how we would be stuck. We talked about how worried we were about anyone and everyone who may have come in contact with this tragedy. We talked about how we had to put things aside, at least for a few days, and try to enjoy the trip we took to celebrate our marriage. We were also able to get online at the hotel which felt like a lifeline to home. I sent some emails - to my boss letting her know I might not be back when I had planned. I got on AIM and was able to find out my friend's brother and sister-in-law were ok. I was able to connect with a few other people from home and know that everyone was ok - as much as they could be.

We were lucky, we got home on time and without incident. There were others who were stuck for an extra 2 weeks. And while being stuck in Jamaica may sound wonderful, you're still stuck. And being so out of control is completely frightening and enraging.

In the 5 years since 9.11 many things have happened in my life. Dylan was born. My grandfather died. I've switched jobs, twice. Dave and I spent the last weekend away to celebrate our 5th anniversary. It was wonderful. A chance to reconnect we really needed. But, as with every year, when I think about our anniversary, I think of the anniversary of 9.11 and how the two will forever be connected.

Thursday, August 31, 2006


I'm sick. Not just a sniffle, not just a little cough but full blown someone kill me now sick.

# of days feeling like hell: 4
# of hours spent in the office: almost 4
number of hours spent working on the couch when I should be resting: about 30
# of times my amazing husband has done something to keep this little family afloat while the mommy is out of commission: 87298732948273498273

I seriously don't know what I would do without this wonderful man by my side. Without a peep he has gotten the D meister up, dressed and to daycare everyday. Without a peep he has kept the child entertained without video intervention at night, bathed him, dressed him and made sure he stays in bed after the 15th time the boy asks to get up to go poopy.

He has also made me soup and tried to get me to eat other things even though I don't want much of anything. Flus are really the best diet, aren't they?

Thank you, my love, for keeping our little house running. I promise you, there will be a day of sleeping in, indulgent cooking by the wife and some R&R with a horrid sci-fi flick of your choice. That day will come soon.

A weekend away


This last weekend your daddy and I left you with your babulya and deda for 3 nights. I must tell you child, I missed you terribly. I miss you differently than I missed you before. It used to be that I would worry and wonder if you were ok. I used to wonder if you were accepting the things I normally do for you from someone else, even though that someone else raised me and loves you to pieces.

I don't so much worry about that anymore. Now I miss my hugs, I miss my snuggles, I miss singing together, I miss talking to you. Having a conversation with the most interesting, hilarrious, little person on earth. You aren't just a babe anymore, my little Mr. D. You are a real person now. One with opinions, a lot of them, and thoughts and imagination and intellect and emotion and wonder and curiousity and and and. There are not enough words in the English language for me to possibly express how I feel about you and all the wonderful aspects of your personality.

You, child, are my heart, my soul, my everything. I sometimes wonder how I will possibly love another little soul like I love you. Then I think back to a time when I didn't have you. A time that is almost impossible to remember. I never knew I could love someone that way I love your daddy. Wholy, unconditionally. Then you were born and I found out what love really means. I know I will have the same wonderful wave of emotion someday when we have another little person to love. (before I get emails from friends, I am NOT pregnant)

So know, baby, that everytime we leave we will be back. I love you to pieces and without you I am no longer whole.

Also know, that as much as your daddy and I love being your parents, every now and then we need to get away. It's makes us better partners, better people and better parents.

I love you D!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Head Strong and Beautiful

Last night my child showed me just how stubborn he really is. I had the audacity to try to get him to eat one teeny, tiny piece of cauliflower smothered in cheese. The following is a list of things D chose to do because he would not have a bite of cauliflower:

Not finish watching the Story Book Factory (the 3rd installment of the Letter Factory series)
Not have a chocolate chip cookie
Not watch anything
Have a time out - the child actually said, No, I don't want cauliflower, I want a time out.

Seriously, there was hardly enough food on the fork to even taste it. He did put it in his mouth once only to spit it out on contact. I don't know how to get through to him to get him to taste things. Nothing works. The couple of times he has chosen to give something a shot, he has liked it. Doesn't matter who eats it, doesn't matter how many times we make exaggerated "mmmm this is so good" sounds. He just won't. And when he decides he won't do something, the kid sticks to his guns.

I'm so proud I could burst.

Rather than looking at how infuriating his behavior was, I look at the strength it takes to behave in such a manner. Most kids would give in and have a bite of the food since it's their ticket to what they want. Not mine. He's strong, beautiful, smart, kind, sassy, loving, polite, silly, considerate and the most fun child I could ever imagine. What could possibly be better?

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Heat wave

Things have been pretty uneventful in our little house lately. We've continued the hell that is home improvement with the project that has no end. For the sake of our sanity, and marriage, Big D has chosen (maybe he was nudged just a little) to do a lot of the work on his own. I have some control issues, you're all shocked, I know, and he gets quite annoyed with me when I try to control.

Other than the house, we have been relatively peaceful and without incident. No stitches, no hospital stays, no vomiting. All in all, it's been nice.

What hasn't been nice is this damn heat. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate the heat. I hate have to strip down to nothing to finally feel cool. I hate having to shave everything all the time to be able to dress appropriately. Most of all I hate sweating. I'm a sweater. I actually pay almost 30 bucks a pop for deodorant to avoid sweating. It's the reason I absolutely hate working out. I hate to sweat. Thankfully, it seems like the heat wave has broken and we can once again step foot outside without instantly breaking into a sweat.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Shark Frickin' Tales

Why the title? Here is this morning's initial conversation:

"Good morning mommy! I watch Shark Tales tonight! Ok Mommy?!" All with a big grin and twinkling eyes. And before 6:30 a.m.

Shark Tales is a deceiving little picture. You see the previews and get a taste of a couple of funny lines and a snippet of car wash and you think, "Cool, this will be a kids and adults like it alike kind of movie. Like Shrek. I can deal with this."


Shark Tales is beloved by children as it is full of brightly colored fish. As an adult, however, I find it utterly stupid. Do I still watch it? Yes. Why? Because he's cute and I love him.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Umbilical cord...Revisited

It seems as though lately the umbilical cord that connected Dylan to me in utero has somehow resurfaced in an invisible manner. If I get more than three feet away from the boy he thinks I am leaving to never be seen again. We're not entirely sure what brought this on but it's killing my back.

This had already started when Dave left for the week last week. His absence and our short stay in the hospital, suspected appendicitis which turned out to be dehydration resulting from a stomach bug, have only enhanced this immense need for the Mommy. As anyone who has met my child knows, it's not "I want Mommy," it's "I want THE Mommy." Like I am some object that his been stolen away from him.

The possessiveness is also quite entertaining. God forbid my mother says, "Dylan, this is my daughter." Such a comment is met with an adamant proclamation of, "NOOOOO Babulya, that's MY mommy!" As if anyone wants me for their own mommy.

Someday this child is going to have to share HIS mommy. I can only hope at that time his love of babies will overshadow his possessiveness of the mommy.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Primal Love

Yesterday was mother's day. It's a great day to honor those in our lives who are, or act as, mothers. While sitting at the dinner table with our family, we got on the topic of a mother's love. It's cliche, but I never knew the extent to which a mother can love her own child until I became a mother. It's something no one can really understand, not even fathers, until they have their own.

It's primal. It's powerful and it is incomparable to anything else in the world. God help the individual that hurts my child or gets in my way when I try to protect him. I can't even begin to describe how I feel when my son is hurting and I don't know why or I know why and I can't help him.

I think the first time I really felt this intense need, and it is a need, to protect was when Dylan was 4.5 weeks old and we took our first trip to the ER. I was talking to a bunch of residents and it seemed as if each was more incompetent than the one before. On our third trip back to the ER and our second admittance to stay at the hospital, the chief resident came into the room in the ER. He started telling me that they weren't sure, they're trying to figure it out, BLAHBLAHBLAH. I looked at him and very pointedly told him they need to figure it out and tell me what's wrong with my son. I had never heard that tone of my voice before, I had never felt my face making the expressions it was making before.

I have heard that tone and felt those contortions of my face on a number of occasions since then. It doesn't suprise me anymore, it simply reminds me of the fact that I am a mother and no matter what happens in life, no matter where my child is, no matter who he is with or how old he is I am his protector, his advocate and his biggest fan.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A trip...

Dylan just had his first successful trip to a coast.
His 3rd or 4th cousin removed (their grandpas are 1st cousins - construct your own family tree) had his Bar Mitzvah out in the land of all things Soprano. It was Dylan's first time attending such a service and, with the help of a sucker, he did VERY well.
We stayed with my cousin (again, you do the math - our dad's are 1st cousins) and his family. They were very gracious hosts and their little girl Zoe and our little Dylan got along famously. A little smooching between the two of them had all the adults in awe of the love two little people can feel towards each other. They're both 3 and under so we don't care that they are related.
Here is a highlight reel:

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


I'm a slacker - I admit it. It's been a long time since the last update. Dylan had a fantastic 3rd birthday party back in Feb - well, 2 parties. One at day care with his little friends and a last minute get together at home with a handful of close friends and family. He had a lot of fun and has been enjoying his gifts immensely.

Dylan is now very proud of the fact that he is three. For awhile he decided I was 4 but has since floated back to reality that mommy is 29 and daddy is 30.

For whatever reason, Dylan turning 3 was very emotional for me. He's not a baby anymore in any way and with thoughts of #2 coming to the surface, this may have been the last birthday he celebrated as an only child.

We're currently working on numbers and letter with D and he's doing really well. He knows all the numbers - 1-9 - and we've heard him count 31, 32, etc. Not sure how we skipped the 20s, but we'll take what we can get.

Chin "mishap" update:
Dylan's wounds have healed nicely and he is very proud of the fact that he has owies. He will gladly show you his owies anytime.

The daycare par-tay


Sunday, February 19, 2006

The pics...

The cut...

His semi toothless grin...

on the mend...

Dylan seems to be feeling great today, which we are very grateful for.

We did go to the dentist around 5:30 yesterday. The tooth was cracked in half and the nerve was exposed, which is why it was hurting him. The dentist had to pull the tooth. It's his lower left eye tooth. Apparently, permanent eye teeth don't come in any sooner if the baby is lost too early (like front teeth would).

The tooth pulling was a lot easier on D than the stitches. Anyway, the tooth probably won't come up until he is 8 or 9. I'm terrified that he'll be teased about missing a tooth but we'll deal with that later.

I'll try to post pics soon.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


Well, we just had our first round of stitches and I'm hoping it's the last.
Dylan had swimming lessons this morning and I stayed back at home. Dave took him and told me to sleep in. I woke up to the phone ringing and Dave telling me Dylan had just slipped as they were walking out of the showers and cut his chin open - he needs stitches - and for me to get there right away. Dave had his hand on Dylan's shoulder to help stabilize him as they walked and he just couldn't catch him when Dylan slipped.
I popped out of bed and got over there ASAP. Then off to the ER.

Long story longer, he ended up with about 13 internal and 10 external stitches. After we got home he told us he has an owie in his mouth and we discovered he has a loose tooth. Now Dylan is napping and we're waiting to hear back from the dentist on whether or not we need to come in.

More updates later.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Life as a Partridge

Well, as one of you so astutely pointed out, we now bear a striking resemblance to the Partridge Family. At least once a day, Dave and I both get handed an instrument and are instructed to play. Tonight I got to play the tambourine. Dave, being the true musician that he is, is trying to keep us all in synch with the use of a metronome. He starts it, it goes for about a minute and then Dylan closes it. He's not a fan.

On another note, I got to share one of my all time favorite activities with the little monster this weekend. We took him to his first movie theater movie. We saw Curious George, a.k.a. The Monkey Movie. Dylan loved it and actually laughed at the funny parts. He was an absolute prince and didn't even have to take a potty break. Which is good because I have no idea how he would have reacted to the fact that the movie cannot paused in the same way it can at home.

I have a feeling we'll be enjoying an encore presentation on his birthday.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Upcoming Birthday

Thoughts are swirling through my head as Dylan approaches his third birthday. It's hard to believe that not quite three years ago we didn't even know if we were going to be the proud parents of a son or daughter and here we are with a walking, jumping, dancing, singing, talking, playing little person whose smile has enough wattage to light up an entire city.

Dylan has brought so much pure, unadulterated joy into our lives. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, compares to the smile and hugs a child can give when they are excited to see you. To get these hugs, smiles and kisses on a daily basis is enough to send one into a tailspin of wondering how this kind of luck has been bestowed upon you.

In the past week, D has started singing about little Joeys jumping on the bed. It's quite the site to see. He has also, much to our joy?, rediscovered the drum and symbols he got for Chanukkah. It's a treat. He insists on all of us having an instrument and playing at the same time. Who knew we would have a family band.

We have had a few questions of what Dylan would like for his bday. He does NOT need any more toys. He has plenty, seriously, no room left in the play room. So, here's a brief list of what he would like for his bday:
Fridge Fonics
Leap Frog - Letter Factory
Anything Shrek related (he has the DVDs)
Spring/summer clothes (4T shorts/5 or 6T tops)
And, the best gift of all - college fund contributions ;)

Tuesday, January 31, 2006


This blog is long overdue, but better late than never, right?
Our little monster is almost three and with that come a slew of developments and personal preferences that seem to change faster than one would ever imagine.

To start, here are the basics:
Dylan Malcolm H...
Original Stats:
Born - 2.25.03 @ 12:20 pm
Height - 21" (I think they measured wrong, probably more like 22.5-23)
Weight - 9 pounds even
Current Stats:
Height - 42-43"
Weight - 40.5 lbs.

Uniquely Dylan:
must wear socks at all times unless in the tub or wearing footy pajamas
underwear must be hand selected by Dylan each morning
dancing is to wiggle hips Elvis style

Movie - Lion King
Activity - swimming
Food - cheeseburger or turkey burger
Book - Oh the Thinks You Can Think
Music - his Russian children's CD
Animal - lion
Toy - blocks

Not so Favorites:
Sweaters (don't know why)
The word "no" when directed at him

Overall, Dylan always has and continues to be an incredibly easy going, easy in general babe.

More to come...