Friday, May 16, 2008

1 year


A year ago you came into my world. I became the mother of a daughter. I had "one of each." My mind immediately started racing with all the things we will do together. Like stay up late having our own personal slumber parties. Like talk about boys and why they are dumb. Like play beauty shop and let you turn my hair into a rat's nest resembling Amy Winehouse.

I also started thinking about how you'll hate me when you turn 13. And how that hate won't subside until you're about 20. I hope it doesn't happen this way, but I know it may. I just hope that hate speckles those years rather than dominates them. I thought about all the ways you might be like me. And the ways you might not.

In the last year you have taught me even more about myself. You have turned our worlds upside down with your smiles and laughs and your squeals. You have let us experience all the glory of the first year all over again. I have learned what it's like to be a mother of a daughter and how things are just different. You look at things differently with a same sex child. You relate differently.

My sweet girl. You are smart. Loving. Opinionated. Stubborn. Beautiful. You are light. I see so much of myself in you already it almost scares me.

You are so different from your brother. He's mellow - you're, well, NOT. He's a go with the flow kind of guy, you're a my way or the highway kind of girl. You're a snuggle bug, he liked to spread out. You're independent, he wanted more done for him. He's a mama's boy, and you're a daddy's girl. Unless you are hurt, then only mama can make it better.

There are so many things I wish for you. I want you to be happy. I want you live your version of your dreams - not mine. I want to be wise enough to let you. I want you to be strong - but not solitary. I want you to know that we will ALWAYS have your back. I want to see you and D continue to adore each other the way you do now. I hope you trust me enough to tell me your secrets. I hope I'm strong enough not to judge. For your sake, I hope I've learned from my own mother how to parent a daughter, and how not to.

I love you, baby girl. More than I have the words to express. More than I ever thought possible. I will do anything and everything for you. To keep you safe, you make you strong.

I'm crazy in love with you. My girl.

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