I go through ups and downs, I think we all do. Right now I'm in a down. Not too sure why, never am. What I do know is I hate the down slopes. I hate the times when every little thing can reduce me to tears in a matter of seconds. I hate the times when the list of frustrations runs long and my temper runs short. I hate when I have a tough time finding the joy in things.
There are some tangible things getting me down.
Sasha's continuing GI issues. 1 out of 3 hemocult cultures (testing for blood in her stool) came back positive. Saturday she had visible blood in her stool. The doctor isn't terribly concerned and thinks it's just a sensitivity to something I am eating but we don't know what that is. I've been off dairy since the end of August and it has made a huge difference. I've been extremely careful about my consumption and I definitely have not had any dairy. I don't know what else it could be. I haven't had anything new. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can't even feed my daughter. I want to know what's wrong. I don't.
I'm off dairy. This is really challenging and starting to impact my quality of life a bit. Going out to eat, one of my favorite things to do, is laborious and no that enjoyable as I have to examine everything I eat. I can't have treats or the bast majority of frozen foods. No frozen lunch meals which means more prep for bringing a lunch to work and I don't have time for that so I eat out too much which is extra calories and extra money spent.
My body sucks. I weigh less than I did when I got married and before I was pregnant with Dylan. I wore a skirt today I bought 6 years ago and it looked great. But what's going on underneath is so depressing. Not that I'm doing anything to change it. At least I look decent in clothes.
Work is kicking my ass. I'm stuck in a middle management role where I am responsible for a lot but enabled to make virtually no decisions.
I don't see my friends and I miss them.
There is plenty of good in my life. My children are amazing. My job, at the end of the day, is fairly rewarding. My friends are wonderful and I know they are there for me.
Just need to ride it out and the ups will come back.